Getting Married in Hawaii

Author: Matt Preston Become a contributor

Getting married overseas is becoming increasingly popular. The chance to break with tradition and have a wedding in a location of your choice is appealing to many. We did it ourselves in 2007. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to get married overseas then read our accounts of the “big day” on the Big Island of Hawaii.

The Groom’s View

Getting back to sleep was never going to be an option when I looked at my watch at 5am on 10th May 2007. I did try but by 6 we were both up and thinking about breakfast.

I was nervous from the moment my brain started working (usually 15 minutes after i wake up). Quite surprising really as it was the first time I’d felt nervous about the wedding and marriage in general. I’ve been excited for days but it was really starting to sink in that this was the day it was going to happen. Having said that the nerves didn’t stop me having a massive American style breakfast again at the lavish buffet set up every morning. Reading the local newspaper and going up for seconds of waffles.

We set up by the pool as we had done the days before but this time it all seemed a bit pointless. It was like waiting in the coolest waiting room in the world. It lo

oked great, was comfortable and you could snooze for hours, but you were still waiting for it to happen.

And then it did. We went back to the room to get ready around 3:30 and before i had a chance to blink it was 5:30pm and we were off to meet Penei, the wedding coordinator and reverend who was going to marry us. From the moment we met her and the camera crew (and i do mean crew) i was just on autopilot. The nerves really did kick in and i felt as though i was being whisked along, supported very well by them all. We picked a spot on the beach and waited for them to set up cameras, it felt a bit like a photo shoot or a movie. I would have felt self conscious if it weren’t for the enormity of the event and my constant checking Debz was ok and happy.

Getting married during sunset was very important to me. The most beautiful and colorful time of day and the perfect back drop especially when on a west facing beach. I was worried beforehand that we were meeting up with Penei too early and we’d have to wait over an hour for sunset to actually happen, too long for the photographer to hang about.

As it turned out meeting at 5:30 was perfect. By the time the ceremony had begun sunset was in full swing and the nerves were at their peak. Penei’s words were perfect for us. No religious stuff, lots of personal stuff about marriage and relationships and also lots of spiritual stuff which fits in with the Hawaii aspect of it all. It’s a very spiritual place and a lot of the Hawaiian culture is based on spiritual beliefs rather than religion. It would have felt almost rude to have gotten married here without including Hawaiian marriage traditions.

Then came time to exchange vows. We repeated after Penei some vows but also got to do our own. I let Debz go first and soon wished i hadn’t. I had a huge lump in my throat and watery eyes by the end of them and of course instantly felt mine were woefully inadequate, something i have been reassured they are not. Phew! Still i nearly blubbed whilst reading mine out, ending with quite a croaky voice. Still i managed it and was pleased i had written my own.

There were moments when i completely zoned out, listening but not actually processing what i was hearing, too busy smiling and staring into Debz’s eyes. Even Penei commented on how amazing they looked.

The “moment” I  wanted, the reason for coming all this way by ourselves, that personal experience I had hoped would happen, happened. We both felt it, Not having to worry about anything and just having the perfect setting and feeling for it all made it the most perfect moment I have ever experienced. Followed by the most breathtaking sunset i have ever seen. We stood with our feet in the water, watching the sun set and it’s the first time i have actually watched it set, i mean actually see it move, count the seconds until it was no longer visible. Then enjoy watching the clouds change colour and the sky lit up pink orange and blue. Amazing.

Do i feel different? Oh my yes, very. I feel like I’ve made it. That everything positive and negative in my life so far has lead me to this point and something amazingly good has come from it all. I feel very lucky and still in shock quite frankly but it’s a fantastic feeling and i recommend it to anyone!

The Bride’s View

It’s hard to say how you feel on the lead up to your own wedding.  You’ve never done it before so don’t know if it’s normal to feel that way, if it’s nervous, excited, scared or/and all 3 of those.  We started getting ready at 3.30 and I was all but dressed by 4.30 with an hour to kill, which we did so by pacing about probably winding each other up.

Meeting Penei was a huge relief, you just can’t tell on email whether or not you are going to like each other and I felt I needed to like the person who was going to marry us.  Luckily I instantly liked her and she made me relax and trust her and her ceremony.

We didn’t choose Hawaii for the Hawaiian wedding per se but once we thought about it it only felt right that we take some of the Hawaiian traditions and make them part of our day.  It felt more respectful to do that.  We stayed away from all religious stuff but with regards to nature and her spirits we were pleased to have them incorporated.

I don’t feel like I can remember as much as I’d like about the ceremony.  I remember feeling calm and smiling so much my face hurt.  I nearly cried at the beginning when Penei said how, in Hawaii, the wind at a wedding meant the good wishes and blessings of absent family and ancestors.  Even now, just writing this rings tears to my eyes.  It was nice to think of everyone back home and of my Grand Parents watching over us.  Still I held it together, just.

My favorite part was when Matt and I read out our personal vows but somehow everything said and done felt very personal, very “us”.  Funny seeing as we had very little input into what Penei would say.

All the way through Matt and I held hands and kissed on a few occasions, it was great being able to do that and be natural rather than having to wait until the end.

Once we were pronounced husband and wife we had our pictures taken watching the sunset and playing about in the sand.  During the day there had been lots of cloud coming and going which I worried about spoiling the sunset.  As it turned out it made the most spectacular sunset we’d seen (and still have seen) since being on the island.  The feelings of happiness and of being in awe of that and the fact we were now married will never leave me.

Now we have been married for 24 hours I feel scared. Not bad scared just more a feeling of huge responsibility to do the right thing for us, for Matt.  I feel that all my actions reflect directly on Matt and vice versa.  I know we can both live up to each others expectations as we are so in tune.

When I look at Matt now I have no questions, I know he is going to be with me and I can’t believe my luck!

Dxx